In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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