What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
