At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
