can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
