we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
