The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
