Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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