I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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