I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we're making bets on your personal life
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
