My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
