Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize