Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
