If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
