we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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