My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
