my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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