Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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