i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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