I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize