Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
