It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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