Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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