Jerry, you need to find god
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
