There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
