Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
