She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
