The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
