Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
