ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
