Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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