In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
