her vagine was all disorganized.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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