I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
