You just made me feel so damn special
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
