When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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