There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
