I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
