Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
