I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can I color on your dick again?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
