Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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