He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
do herpes really smell.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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