i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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