even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
