i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
