That's intense
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
