Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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