Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Panties = found
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
