5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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