she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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