this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
