he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
