You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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