I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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