I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
