A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
