The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
