If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
