I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
