Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
