why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Operation Purity has been aborted
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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