can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You were trust falling into bushes
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