Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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