Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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