who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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