1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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