i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
