Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize