Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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