Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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