I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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