biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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