I'm eating all of the evidence.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think people are normalizing furries
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
