it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
