Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
