do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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