Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
