Sry I called you an 8
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
