Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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