As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
