my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
