I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
