i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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