WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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