So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
