there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
