# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
