Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
even my farts smell like vagina
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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