nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
