it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
