next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize