He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
