I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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