It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
