WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize