Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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