You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
