Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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