Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
