Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(573): View more from Missouri

I wish you could order shots online.

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(607): View more from New York

The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...

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(641): View more from Iowa

I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.

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(914): View more from New York

I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT

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(865): View more from Tennessee

i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.

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