I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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