sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
