just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
