OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
