I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize