this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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