I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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